Muddy Waters

I’m in the middle of the “moving in” after moving, and it has been overwhelming. This is the not so glamorous part of my creative process.

I came across this post on the Free People Blog and it put into words perfectly how I have been feeling as of late. My process, my work, and my life right now. I have moved into a new house and the only way I can describe it is like taking a step into a calm clear river and shaking up all the grit and grime at the bottom. The result is water that has turned opaque, visibility is gone, and you can’t see anything as clear as before when everything was settled and in it’s place. Why can’t I just make decisions about where to put everything, or how to decorate, or to just unpack. The process of moving has jolted me creatively and caused me to access my surroundings, my belongings and my life. I tell myself, it is all part of the creative process (I’m trying to spin this positively) and will just help me whittle down all the unnecessary things I need to get rid of and therefore be left with the things that I love and adore. Obviously I am not alone in this. I’ve heard so many people tell this same story, but I guess I’m just really caught in this place right now and the Free People post really spoke to me. I just have to push through the grit, right? Things will fall into place. I have to wait for the waters to clear a little and when I get those moments of clarity, I need to take full advantage and act.

The author speaks about being weary at the end of the winter, and the process of spring cleaning her body, mind and life.

My favorite line she writes is, “I milled and wallowed in it.” I can relate. Being crippled by the daunting task of not knowing where to begin.

I don’t know about you, but I found myself with some negative energy at the winter’s end. Starved for sun and fatigued, it seemed only natural. I milled and a wallowed in it, sometimes tilting my lips out of the water, hoping for that fresh breath at the water’s surface. And it was there.

With renewed oxygen, I began to delve into the little crevices: pockets where energies that needed to be let go had stored themselves.  What I encountered were not necessarily things that could be intellectualized, but also sentiments and feelings that had lodged themselves in there. I paid mind to the things had been pushed under the rug, and gave them light by verbalizing some, and physically wringing others out.

What I learned is that happiness and positivity aren’t just things that come without work. You have to scrub at the insecurities, and wipe down the mental blocks that are standing in your way. Sure, the dirt isn’t always visible at first glance. You may have to move the couch and vacuum up hidden dust bunnies. It takes energy and a desire for something better.


Onward I go …